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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the town’s name.

Finally, they stopped for lunch and after getting their food, one of them asked the cashier, “Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are.”

The blonde cashier leaned over the counter and said: “Buuurrrrrrr Gerrrrrrrrrrrrr Kiiiinnnnngggggg.”

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Texas hospitality

In Texas there is a town called  New Braunfels  with a large German-speaking population.

One day a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher’s stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted:  “Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht.  Die kuehe haben darein geschissen.”  Which  means:  “Glad to meet you!  Don’t drink the water.  The cows routinely *** in it.”

The man shouted back: “I’m from New York and just down here campaigning for Obama’s  health care plan and I can’t understand you.  Please speak in English.”

The rancher replied:  “Use both hands.

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I had occasion to exchange emails and then a short telephone call with Cooke Bakke yesterday. Having talked with her four or five years ago about mortgage fraud, she sent me an urgent email asking me to give her a call. My blog had caught her attention and she wanted to know if I’d be available to speak at an upcoming Mensa conference in July in Reno about anecdotal blogging. Mind you, I’m not a member myself so this came as quite a surprise.

Anyway, in the course of the conversation, she related a humorous story about an on going problem she has with technology. On this particular occasion Cooke was having difficulty turning the television on. Spending a good five minutes pushing every button on the remote and the television itself, she finally gave up and called her husband at work.

“I can’t get the damn television to turn on,” she complained.

“Okay, take a deep breath and sit yourself down on the couch,” her husband instructed.

“Okay,” Cooke responded.

“You there,” he asked.

“Yup,” she responded.

“Do you see the little black cable box on top of the tv?” he asked.

“No,” she said.

“There’s a good reason for that,” he said. “It’s in the repair shop.”

“Ohhhhhh,” Cooke said.

I don’t know about you but there’s something about self-deprecating humor that I find very human and naturally endearing. Perhaps my attraction to it is that it is the very antithesis of pretentiousness.

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All things Ian

On the way to school every morning my eight-year-old grandson, Ian, and I listen to KOLA, a local FM station dedicated to classic rock and roll. The other morning he stopped playing his DS briefly to share with me that he wasn’t looking forward to getting old like me.

“Why’s that,” I asked somewhat taken aback.

“I’ll have to listen to Justin Bieber’s music because by then people are going to think he’s a classic,” he said.

“Indeed, that will be a sad day,” I said chuckling to myself.

Seldom at a loss for words, Ian returned to his DS to complete the next level in his Star Wars game making no further comment.

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On the way to school this morning, Ian talked about a new guys club he had formed at school and it immediately reminded me of the sign The Little Rascals used to have on their clubhouse — “No Girls Allowed.”  His group’s motto is simply – “Pals Before Gals.”  Kinda catchy.

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On the way back from school yesterday afternoon Ian informed me that Viviana has apparently taken a shine to him. She calls him Snookums and chases him around the playground.

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On the way to school this morning, Ian and I were talking about something and he was having difficulty getting his point through to me. To get my attention he finally voiced the following zinger. “You know, Poppop, maybe if you stop talking, magical things will happen.”

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