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Posts Tagged ‘Glenn Beck’

Up until last week I thought I had pretty much exhausted the plethora of suggestions folks offer online to deal with our gopher infestation. Poison pellets don’t work. Powdered coyote dung doesn’t work. Juicy Fruit chewing gum doesn’t work. Poison worms don’t work. Road flares don’t work. In fact, given the extensive network of tunnels they have here, even flooding doesn’t work. So what is one to do?

Watching one of these subterranean pests pop his head up in the midst of a growing mound a week ago, I noticed that all I had to do was start talking and he’d crawl back into his tunnel not to be seen again for a few minutes. The longer and louder I talked, the longer he would stay out of sight. It was an hour after I turned on the radio that it finally dawned on me that I may have inadvertently stumbled onto the perfect solution to our ongoing problem.

It only took a few minutes to put the battle plan to work.

I first went into the house and pulled out an old pair computer speakers and an extension cord long enough to reach into the cabana. Upon my return to the backyard I stuck the garden hose into the hole where the last gopher had shown his face and turned the water on full blast.

As I anticipated, at first the water bubbled over the lawn out of that hole and two others but it didn’t take long for all of it to drain down into the connecting tunnel. At this point I let the water run for another five minutes hoping to clear an underground path as far away from the existing mound as possible. I then repeated the process running the hose into a fourth mound which (because it had remained dry) I had concluded must lead to an entirely different network of tunnels.

Shutting the water off, I pulled out the hose, connected the extension cord to the radio and tuned into The Rush Limbaugh Show. I then turned the volume to max, connected the external speakers to the radio, and inserted them into the holes leading to their separate tunnels .

The good news is that it’s been a week now and not one of our uninvited guests has bothered to build a new mound let alone show his fuzzy face.

I know, I know….. it’s a little early to declare victory but at last the tide appears to have turned. I may also be jumping to an unwarranted conclusion when I attribute this turn around to Rush. Since he’s only on for three hours, five days a week, it may turn out that he is not the host whose voice is primarily responsible for driving away our adversaries.

With that in mind, if you listen to Talk Radio, please cast your vote for the host whose voice you think gophers find most irritating.

Caution: Use of an electrical extension cord in close proximity to standing water may be hazardous to your health. Do not implement this eradication method in the presence of children or pets.

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Update: Much to my chagrin and, no doubt Rush Limbaugh’s amusement, it turns out that the gophers love talk radio. And it’s not just that they’re back. They’re tunneling right next to the speakers.

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